Guess Who's Working the Graveyard Shift?

Well I came in to work the midnight shift today. I cant seem to find enough hours in the damn week to get things done. In order to make time for work, I had to sacrifice a few things, mainly sleep and TV time. I sure as hell could not sacrifice eat time, crapper time, and guitar time. I dont know if Im gonna make it in to work in the morning though. Cant wait till the weekend so I can relax and party at the Monster Mile. That's right folks, THIS WEEKEND!!! All I need is a pillow and a toilet and I could call the office home. Sure theres a toilet down the hall, but its not the same as having a toilet in your office. Imagine that, you could work while popping a squat. THIS SIMULATION IS TAKING FOREVER! By the way, Im simulating fuel efficiency for the rocket pack im building for T-Dogg.

Also, we have a new REDNECK picture of the week, again from Mr. Smasher. Send in your best redneck picture, and if it can compete with Smasher's then maybe Ill put it up. I think a good picture of a woman with a big fat dip in would do it. I think im gonna by one of those Nasacar hats with flames all over it like real rednecks and white trash wear.

Man, I could drop a big heat-spike right now. Do the chickens have large talons? I think im gonna end up calling it an early morning and just go home and go back to bed. This shit sucks. I dont know how much more of this I can take before Im running around campus butt-neked screaming "Do the chickens have large talons? Damnit, all I want to know is if they have large talons?" Peace out bitches.

Were Headed to Dover

  Well Folks, Its official. Smasher has received our tickets to the MBNA 400 at the Monster Mile. Were off to Dover for the 25th, of September. Keep your eyes peeled for us as we roll up in our Walmart T-shirts and confederate Belt Buckles, each with a 30 pack of Miller Lite in hand and stroking our fu-manchu's. Its gonna be one hell of a weekend, hope to have some good stories to tell when I return. If your interested in offering shelter for the night of the 24th, live in the Dover area, and appreciate the smell of masculine men, let us know.

  Remind me to put up a recent picture of Smasher, a free trip to the gunshow. Ive got this picture he sent me, and boy does he have a redneck butt in this picture. Flat as a flapjack. In fact his denim on denim works very well, but i have no clue whats holding up his damn pants. It is obviously not his redneck ass, but his big Confederate belt buckle. Beautiful pic there Smasher. If only we could all be as huge as yourself. If you see Smasher in your neighborhood ..... RUN! He should only be approached by experienced individuals like myself.

  I recently heard a tale about a buddy of mine, Bull Hurley. Hes been out building an exact to-scale replica of the Monster Mile in his side lot. I bet the neighbors are really gonna like that one. Let me know when the first official race will be, so I can come down a day ahead and qualify.

Well Im out like the crippled kid in tag. Late.

Kyle Busch Takes the Record

I hope yall stayed up to watch the end of the SONY HD 500 at Fontana. Mr. Kyle Busch became the youngest driver to win a Nextel Cup Race at 20 years of age. Now here's a few good NASCAR jokes I ran across:

What is the difference between Jeff Gordons car and a porcupine?
On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!

BROOKE GORDON'S TOP 10 COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE W.C. CHAMP
10. Hasn't washed "lucky underwear" since first cart win at age 10
9. After "doing it", likes to jump up and down on dresser and spray bedroom with bottle of cheap champagne
8. Always leaves oily mess in bathtub after hour long Rogaine soaks
7. Really excited to race in Japan until he discovered "Wonderboy" translates to "Wonton Boy"
6. His-n-Her champ rings look suspiciously like mood rings on sale at K-Mart
5. Really got ticked off when she made bitchin' lava lamp out of Winston Cup trophy for her community ed. craft class
4. Since cool emotional banquet speech, takes him 15 teary eyed minutes to even accept Fed Ex packages
3. Twinkie fingerprints all over butt attract stray dogs when jogging
2. Since she became "First Lady of NASCAR" he wants to be known as "Slick Willie of Love"

AND THE NUMBER 1 BROOKE GORDON COMPLAINT ABOUT THE CHAMP:
1. After wild victory party with Rainbow Warriors, found Unocal hat guy passed out in closet wearing nothing but a Dupont cap and a smile

Here it is folks, the first official poll on Thunderlips Blog:

Will Gordon make the Chase for the Cup?
	Hell no, Gordon's queer.
	I've beat Gordon in Chase for the Cup on my ps2, he sucks!
	Gordon will pull it off once he removes Brookes finger from his a$$.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Crime Is taking over Cornell

Check out all these alerts Ive been getting in my mailbox. Apparently this is like the most crime alerts that have ever been sent in one month at Cornell. I dont even know if these damn things are useful. Ive set them up to be blocked as spam now. Im really worried, theres two short black guys mugging people without weapons, chicks fighting each other in the street (I really would have liked to see that one), and morons being robbed cuz they leave their door and windows unlocked when they leave. What kind of town am I living in?

Aug 30, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating a strong armed robbery that occurred at approximately 1:30 a.m., Aug. 29, near the intersection of Campus Road and Mary Ann Wood Drive, below West Avenue. The male victim was walking on Campus Road when he was approached by two male subjects. The victim reported that one subject asked him a question, then both physically assaulted him, taking the duffel bag he was carrying. The suspects were last seen running east on Campus Road. The victim described his attackers was being two black males, both approximately 5 feet 9 inches tall and approximately 17 years of age. The victim was treated at Cayuga Medical Center for minor injuries.

Anyone with information about this incident is asked to contact the IthacaPolice Department at 272-9973, or dial 911 in case of an emergency. Suspicious activity on the Cornell Campus should be reported to the Cornell Police at 255-1111 (5-1111 on campus), or dial 911 in case of an emergency.

Students are reminded that, while walking at night, to avoid darkened areas and try and walk in pairs. Students may also use the Cornell Blue Light Escort Service. Requests for this service can be made by dialing 255-7373 (5-7373 on campus).

August 29, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating a robbery/assault that occurred in the 300 block of College Avenue on Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2005, at approximately 1:30 a.m. The female student victim was walking with friends when she was assaulted by a group of females. The suspects reportedly punched the victim several times and tore her clothing. The victim also
reported that a Cornell employee attempted to assist her and was assaulted by a group of males. The victim reported that the group who assaulted her were several black females and one white female. The victim further described one of her attackers as being a heavy-set black female wearing glasses and having braids in her hair.

Aug. 25, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating several burglaries that have occurred in the Collegetown area in the past week. Residences have been entered in the 100 block of Catherine Street, 100 block of Highland Place and 100 block of Stewart Avenue. Among items taken were a laptop computer, iPods and wallets. In most cases, entry into the apartments was gained through unlocked doors or unlocked windows.

Students are reminded to keep their doors and windows secured.

Freaking Imbecils, Morons, Turd Burglars

How bout this Crap. Come out of class this morning to find some jackass has not only managed to lock up there bike on the bike rack, but also mine. I proceed to shout profanities, pull on the lock, examine items of their bike I may steal. I walk away for the time being. I am told the bike is still there at this time. When I leave here at the end of the day, I will go to my bike, and if it is locked, I am prepared to cut there damn lock off, regardless of what local law enforcement may have to think about this. Ill update this later.

If your in for an interesting, thought provoking read, read this one. It makes some very interesting points.

State Mandates Schools to perform BMI screenings

How 'bout this load of manure. Times Leader Article. Apparently the state has decided to start screening kids to determine there body mass index, in hopes of eliminating the fat element of our state. Not only have they decided to start telling parents their kids are fat (like they dont realize this themselves), many schools have removed soda machines and started promoting low-fat milk and water. "Students might notice changes in gym class too as part of a national push to replace or supplement dodge ball and flag football with physical activities students are more likely to pursue as adults, such as yoga, dancing, weightlifting and even walking with pedometers."

Now give me a break, as if dodgeball and flag football arent activities students are likely to pursue as adults. Can someone explain to me how yoga is a physical activity? Is there any cardio involved? So lets get this straight, gym classes are now gonna teach people how to walk? Insulting.

"“We don’t want to be the fat police. These BMIs are not an indictment against children or their parents,” said Beth Trapani, spokeswoman for the nonprofit Pennsylvania Advocates for Nutrition and Activity. “We don’t care what kids look like. We just want them to be healthy.” My Ass you dont care. I want them to be healthy too, not like that fat ass Smasher, thought I have to admit, he finally decided to lose weight after some 8 years. Well, what happened to the plan to keep kids off drugs, and the one to stop teenage smoking. Since we couldnt get any of those to work, were now gonna drop those and work on the fat kids.

I really think its only a matter of time before this information is used against the poor kid or his family. Imagine if insurance companies were able to get their hands on this information. I am all for promoting health especially in kids, but could someone please tell me the last time a government promoted school idea has worked. KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF PEOPLE'S FAMILIES! This is the parents responsibility.

Penis Issue Harming Thai Cabinet

This is great. Read This. I love the line, "The problem of my face is bigger than the problem of your penis." HAHA.

Also read this one about a doctor telling a women she was obese. "I told a fat woman she was obese,..." Come on now. What the hell do you expect. The woman was fat. Obese people are at risk. What do you really expect the doc to do? Lie to the heifer and tell her that her obesity will not affect her health. All he did was tell the truth. I would really hope that were not gonna start punishing people for telling the truth. Would you want your doctor not to tell you that something you were doing was hazardous to your health. Thats the mans job. Get a life you fat biaaaattch. Go to another doctor if you dont like what this one told you. My regards to the doc for stating the obvious.

I will end with Captain Toolboat's random question of the day. "Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing?" There actors? No, your kidding. I think D-Mann should play his first big role as an actor on Unsolved Mysteries as a wanted child molester in 51 states.

ONE MORE THING!!!! Readon #2 of 101 to move to NH: The New Hampshire constitution is the ONLY constitution in the WORLD that expressly protects its citizens right to revolution.

Smasher's Call for Paintball Players

I received this comment/recruitment from Smasher earlier this evening"

Comments: I would like to know who is down for paintball behind my house on the 4th? Mooter has that Sunday off and is looking forward to showing off his pubic plugs! Thats right, he took his pubes and a few of my really long ones and pasted them speratically on his head! He looks like a freak! The once balding beauty has a full afro of pubes on his head. As for you D-F***er, if you wont play this time then you should pack up and move to San Diego with the other pieces of colorful fruit!

As for me, I will have to check my busy schedule for the weekend of the 4th. I hope it wont be so damn hot like it was last time. It felt like a slip and slide in my pants. I really would like to see the before and after pictures of out dear beloved Mooter. D-Man, what do you have to say to Smasher's comments? Well lets put this blog through the works. Start the commenting. Jazzmaster, I would like to see you post here often.
Make sure yall check out the link for the Free State Project. Im seriously thinking about this. May seem radical at first, but give it some thought. Reason no. 1 of 101 to move to NH: Famous spirit of independence and "Live Free or Die" state motto.
One more random thought. If you were to walk in on your teenage daughter fornicating, how would you punish them? Me, I think Id buy a chastity belt. Im out like a forest fire in winter.

Utah Rave Busted By Police

I first happened upon this news while listing to a Free Talk Live podcast. The story seems boring at first, but after some thought I decided this needed some coverage. Here is the link for the story. While you would probably never see me at a Rave, nor hangin with Candy Ravers, I sympathise with these particular Ravers. Apparently, the local swat team decided to bust up this party citing drug use, sexual abuse, etc. Though I cannot attest to whether or not these activities were actually occurring, I would assume at the least there was some drug use. The organizers supposedly had done everything by the book, obtained the appropriate permits, held the event on private property, and even taken out a 2 million dollar insurance policy. Now I have personally experienced organized parties similar to this (i.e. A Black Crowes/Oasis concert in Camden) where extensive drug use was present, underage drinking, etc. where police were present and chose to turn the blind eye to these activities. Did 100 swat team members come dressed in full military fatigues with dogs to break this thing up? Of course not. These Ravers were on private property with the owners permission. I sure as hell would hope that if I were to have some party on my private property, the police would not come break this up. And if they did, you better believe I would be fuming. Can you imagine if these same police had decided to break up a "gathering" at a NASCAR race citing excessive alcohol and drug abuse. I can only say one thing, It would be a violent encounter. And can someone tell me why busting a Rave is protecting the people more than busting up a NASCAR race? I thought the police were here to protect and to serve. This party was in the middle of nowhere. Who were they really protecting? And why the full getup with fatigues? Let me know your thoughts

D. Bagg's Rebuttal to Allegations

August 24, 2005

Before I remember, check out the new pics in the Friends folder, these are courtesy of Erin. Make sure yall check out the one where Thunderlips Fu Manchu is in full effect. Today I will attempt a response to some comments received from of the esteemed fans of this here site. Hope you didnt think your comments would remain private. (Due to the controversial statements, names and faces have been disguised) Here we go.

Name: Derrick
Comments: I am glad to hear that you had a fantastic day at the gym! Love the comment about D-focker. Guess you heard about his torrid elder hook-up.

Yes, thank you. The gym is always a fantastical place. Yes, this torrid elder hookup has been the subject of much controversy here at the Thunderlips website. But...In all fairness, D-focker has been made aware and given an oppurtunity to respond to these allegations. On to our next commenter.

Name: Jazzercise
Comments: Hey Thunderlips, You must be really bored up there! However, the website is awesome! The Guestbook won't work on Derrick's or my computer, just thought you might want to know...if there is a problem. I personally liked the pixs! Didn't know you had muscles? And the one of D-focker in camo proved everyone's theory that he is a freaking hot piece of fruit! Oh yes and if you need some Adult Incontinence Diapers, Don't order them!...I can steal some for you from work! Great Job with website so far!! It's on my favorites list! TTYL

Ahh yes, the old boredom question. Actually, I have so much to do, and no motivation to do it. Attribute it to my "I dont care" attitude toward graduate school, well maybe life. I can tell you the attitude is great. I am still in my training under the great Sith Master, Smasher. He has taught me much. In regards to the Guestbook, I am on top of that. Apparently the website hosting the guestbook is having PMS. The issue should be resolved in a day or four. You didnt know I had muscles? That better be sarcastic. We all know Thunderlips is one hot steaming piece of solid stainless steel. If you would like to see the muscles in person, I can arrange an encounter. Ohh, I just crapped in my pants, steal me those diapers already. Thanks for moving us up to the favorites list. Hope to here more from you in the future.

Name: Smasher
Comments: Hey where's Lester? That sumabich owes me treefity! I met him and D-Man at the pickle park and never got the check in the mail. All I got was crabs from that Tom Cruise look-a-like! You MOTHERF***s! I will eat your hearts! I want to give a shout out to Mooter. I heard he is going to get plugs! Great site here Thunderlips! I love Ron! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

My great lord, Smasher. I have been tracking Lester, I think he is currently sleeping on T-dog's couch...... naked. You need to stop your job as the lot lizard, but I will see what we can do about Lester. Were the crab's tasty? Did you dip them in butter before devouring? We need a before and after picture of MOOTER. Hugs and Kisses to you too there Smasher.

And without further much ado about nothing, we have actually received some feedback from the D-focker himself. Hold on to your panties there folks, THE D_MAN'S PREMIERE

Name: D. Bagg
Comments: D. Bagg (a.k.a D-Man, a.k.a D-Focker) here. Yes, unfortunately I have been forced to temporarily return to my home planet of tatoone, errr Wilkes-Barre.

But that's what happens when you run out of money and the manager of the sports club you were working at in Philadelpia finds you the next morning covered by towels and sound asleep in the women's locker room, with Dorrito's nacho cheese still on your face from the gourmet meal you had from the vending machine, because you can't afford a decent meal. Apparently, not having a place to eat or sleep doesn't give one the excuse to spend the night in his place of employment, even though he has the key and locked up at 11:00pm the night before. It probably wouldn't have even been that bad if it wasn't for the fact that I was sleeping naked with nothing more than a tube sock around my johnson, which at the time of my discovery was extremely...

Hard evidence might be a little tricky to attain in order to prove the "Letters to Penthouse" experience I had with an older women two weekends ago. It is in fact very much true however, and D. Baggs' good friend The Prof can vouch for him. And having never engaged in sexual relations in a beauty salon before, D. Baggs can assure his best mates Thunderlips, Tim Dogg and Smasher that it was an unbelievable experience. It was topical! It was errotic! I give it a 9.5. Oh, and all the mirrors and swivel chairs really came in handy too! D. Bagg felt like Christian Bale in American Psycho, minus the video camera and insatiable lust to kill. While D. Bagg works on getting some pics of the aforementioned beauty salon, Thunderlips should take it upon himself to pick up a nice college co-ed this weekend, take her back to his place and straight pound that shiznit. Thunderlips your about to explode my friend! So go out there and get some strange...

As for smasher, if I don't see you, just keep truck---keepin' on truckin. You're just livin' the life! Oh, and Ron Bailey called. ..he told me to tell you he want's his panties with the little hearts back. You know how he gets. Tim Dogg, nothin' but love for you and the wifey. Give us a post some time soon. I'm Out! Peace and Love!

WOW, and there it is folks. I dont know what to say. You work on that hard evidence boss. I want a picture of the alleged milf, holding a sign that says, I love Thunderlips. How many kiddies does this milf have? Has she taken you back to meat the parentals? So mirrors and swivel chairs. Let me imagine this one. You were in the chair, on your stomach, while she was giving the old dog the bone? Your really living up to the D. Bagg name now. You tell the prof we here at the Thunderlips site would like to have his input on this matter. Smasher, your still having encounters with Mr. Ronald Bailey? I thought he was being exclusive with me, the cheating bastard. Those little panties are cute though arent they. Well it was great to here from you D. Bagg AKA D-focker AKA D-man AKA .... Ahhh good times, good times.

Well, its getting early, and I need to go check on Ron, he's snoring already. Catch you on the flip-flop.

Kerpal Gym Experience

First, listen to this. Another hard day at work. I went over to the gym after work today. It was busier than a two-dollar whore in Newark. After finding my way to a bench, I take my time, warm up, crank out a few sets. Hung-Dang and Kerpal were there as expected, checking out the freshman girls. Kerpal comes over and asks how many more sets I have remaining. I tell him two or three. Little too my knowledge, two other dudes had already asked the fella I was lifting with for the bench when we were done. Tough guy Kerpal comes over and asks again how many more sets we have. I then proceed to tell him that the two other dudes were already waiting for the bench. He looks at me with a "Im gonna kick your ass look" with chest puffed out and bitch tits bouncing, and says "Did they ask you for the bench before I did, or after?" Does he really think I would violate gmy ethics? (In his case I just might.)

Before I state my response, you must know a little more about said Indian, Kerpal. Anyone who has been to the gym has met someone like this. The used to be fat dude, still kinda chunky but with some strength, who thinks that now hes huge and is so strong and tough that he runs the gym. Well me being the jackass I am, I cant stand challenges to my manhood like this. So what was my response? I tried so hard to keep my patience, but ended up with "Listen here buddy, what the hell do you think this is? Ya, I kick your damn duug. You know damn right, you bastard." Well something to that effect minus the Jerky Boys bit. This sort of encounter really frustrates me. Hes just jealous cuz he weighs bout 40 lbs more and cant put up anything close to what I put up. After that I had to go up the big weight and pop out a few as intimidation. Im sure this will not be my last encounter with Kerpal and Hung-Dang.

I saw a whole bunch of hotties today. Unfortunately, I think there more up D-fockers alley. YOUNG and MEN. There were some hot chicks though, but it scares me because some are younger than my sister. Im gonna have to start checking ID, or just go for the elderly women like D-man. Anyways, I have work to do. Im out fo shizzle, bizzle.

Dr. Cornwallis

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Smasher's Comments

Ive decided to post some comments I received from Smasher, in response to my comments on the 19th.

Name: Smasher Comments: I'm looking for Hawks! I hear he's the man to beat in arm wrestling. I also heard that D-Man has announced today that he is officially out of the closet. As a pool boy, he had discovered the comfort of being soothed by our one and only Ron Bailey. They spooned at the pool every day, and I am glad to report that D-Man's neck injury is almost healed. Mooter is bald!

Its nice to get feedback. We've always wondered about the D-man's gender preference. I mean when you claim to have hooked up with so many girls, yet none of your friends have ever met one of these girls, the whole thing sounds gay. Too bad he had to realize his gayness with Mr. Ronald Bailey AKA "The Child molester up the street."

I also received a call today from one "lester." I think this actually might be one of Ronalds aliases. Anywho, my good buddy Tim must know "Lester" personally since Lester used tim's phone to call me. I think this lester may have abused timmy........sexually.

As of right now, I am not sure what will be placed here. The random thought for today is: How is Mike still alive? He does eveverything possible to end his existence, though it appears he cannot be killed by anything from this earth. The word on the street is that the Predator is looking for him. Is Mike from this earth? If not, where from?

In other news, I hear the D-Man is headed back to NEPA. Poor Kid. First off he has to retire from paintball after a career ending neck injury. In search of an alternate career, he heads to Philly, working as a pool boy, in hopes of moving to San Francisco as a Brad Pitt look-alike. Apparently things have not gone as planned, and the D-man will be back in the filth of the W-B.