Guess Who's Working the Graveyard Shift?

Well I came in to work the midnight shift today. I cant seem to find enough hours in the damn week to get things done. In order to make time for work, I had to sacrifice a few things, mainly sleep and TV time. I sure as hell could not sacrifice eat time, crapper time, and guitar time. I dont know if Im gonna make it in to work in the morning though. Cant wait till the weekend so I can relax and party at the Monster Mile. That's right folks, THIS WEEKEND!!! All I need is a pillow and a toilet and I could call the office home. Sure theres a toilet down the hall, but its not the same as having a toilet in your office. Imagine that, you could work while popping a squat. THIS SIMULATION IS TAKING FOREVER! By the way, Im simulating fuel efficiency for the rocket pack im building for T-Dogg.

Also, we have a new REDNECK picture of the week, again from Mr. Smasher. Send in your best redneck picture, and if it can compete with Smasher's then maybe Ill put it up. I think a good picture of a woman with a big fat dip in would do it. I think im gonna by one of those Nasacar hats with flames all over it like real rednecks and white trash wear.

Man, I could drop a big heat-spike right now. Do the chickens have large talons? I think im gonna end up calling it an early morning and just go home and go back to bed. This shit sucks. I dont know how much more of this I can take before Im running around campus butt-neked screaming "Do the chickens have large talons? Damnit, all I want to know is if they have large talons?" Peace out bitches.

Were Headed to Dover

  Well Folks, Its official. Smasher has received our tickets to the MBNA 400 at the Monster Mile. Were off to Dover for the 25th, of September. Keep your eyes peeled for us as we roll up in our Walmart T-shirts and confederate Belt Buckles, each with a 30 pack of Miller Lite in hand and stroking our fu-manchu's. Its gonna be one hell of a weekend, hope to have some good stories to tell when I return. If your interested in offering shelter for the night of the 24th, live in the Dover area, and appreciate the smell of masculine men, let us know.

  Remind me to put up a recent picture of Smasher, a free trip to the gunshow. Ive got this picture he sent me, and boy does he have a redneck butt in this picture. Flat as a flapjack. In fact his denim on denim works very well, but i have no clue whats holding up his damn pants. It is obviously not his redneck ass, but his big Confederate belt buckle. Beautiful pic there Smasher. If only we could all be as huge as yourself. If you see Smasher in your neighborhood ..... RUN! He should only be approached by experienced individuals like myself.

  I recently heard a tale about a buddy of mine, Bull Hurley. Hes been out building an exact to-scale replica of the Monster Mile in his side lot. I bet the neighbors are really gonna like that one. Let me know when the first official race will be, so I can come down a day ahead and qualify.

Well Im out like the crippled kid in tag. Late.

Kyle Busch Takes the Record

I hope yall stayed up to watch the end of the SONY HD 500 at Fontana. Mr. Kyle Busch became the youngest driver to win a Nextel Cup Race at 20 years of age. Now here's a few good NASCAR jokes I ran across:

What is the difference between Jeff Gordons car and a porcupine?
On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!

BROOKE GORDON'S TOP 10 COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE W.C. CHAMP
10. Hasn't washed "lucky underwear" since first cart win at age 10
9. After "doing it", likes to jump up and down on dresser and spray bedroom with bottle of cheap champagne
8. Always leaves oily mess in bathtub after hour long Rogaine soaks
7. Really excited to race in Japan until he discovered "Wonderboy" translates to "Wonton Boy"
6. His-n-Her champ rings look suspiciously like mood rings on sale at K-Mart
5. Really got ticked off when she made bitchin' lava lamp out of Winston Cup trophy for her community ed. craft class
4. Since cool emotional banquet speech, takes him 15 teary eyed minutes to even accept Fed Ex packages
3. Twinkie fingerprints all over butt attract stray dogs when jogging
2. Since she became "First Lady of NASCAR" he wants to be known as "Slick Willie of Love"

AND THE NUMBER 1 BROOKE GORDON COMPLAINT ABOUT THE CHAMP:
1. After wild victory party with Rainbow Warriors, found Unocal hat guy passed out in closet wearing nothing but a Dupont cap and a smile

Here it is folks, the first official poll on Thunderlips Blog:

Will Gordon make the Chase for the Cup?
	Hell no, Gordon's queer.
	I've beat Gordon in Chase for the Cup on my ps2, he sucks!
	Gordon will pull it off once he removes Brookes finger from his a$$.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Crime Is taking over Cornell

Check out all these alerts Ive been getting in my mailbox. Apparently this is like the most crime alerts that have ever been sent in one month at Cornell. I dont even know if these damn things are useful. Ive set them up to be blocked as spam now. Im really worried, theres two short black guys mugging people without weapons, chicks fighting each other in the street (I really would have liked to see that one), and morons being robbed cuz they leave their door and windows unlocked when they leave. What kind of town am I living in?

Aug 30, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating a strong armed robbery that occurred at approximately 1:30 a.m., Aug. 29, near the intersection of Campus Road and Mary Ann Wood Drive, below West Avenue. The male victim was walking on Campus Road when he was approached by two male subjects. The victim reported that one subject asked him a question, then both physically assaulted him, taking the duffel bag he was carrying. The suspects were last seen running east on Campus Road. The victim described his attackers was being two black males, both approximately 5 feet 9 inches tall and approximately 17 years of age. The victim was treated at Cayuga Medical Center for minor injuries.

Anyone with information about this incident is asked to contact the IthacaPolice Department at 272-9973, or dial 911 in case of an emergency. Suspicious activity on the Cornell Campus should be reported to the Cornell Police at 255-1111 (5-1111 on campus), or dial 911 in case of an emergency.

Students are reminded that, while walking at night, to avoid darkened areas and try and walk in pairs. Students may also use the Cornell Blue Light Escort Service. Requests for this service can be made by dialing 255-7373 (5-7373 on campus).

August 29, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating a robbery/assault that occurred in the 300 block of College Avenue on Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2005, at approximately 1:30 a.m. The female student victim was walking with friends when she was assaulted by a group of females. The suspects reportedly punched the victim several times and tore her clothing. The victim also
reported that a Cornell employee attempted to assist her and was assaulted by a group of males. The victim reported that the group who assaulted her were several black females and one white female. The victim further described one of her attackers as being a heavy-set black female wearing glasses and having braids in her hair.

Aug. 25, 2005

The Ithaca Police Department is investigating several burglaries that have occurred in the Collegetown area in the past week. Residences have been entered in the 100 block of Catherine Street, 100 block of Highland Place and 100 block of Stewart Avenue. Among items taken were a laptop computer, iPods and wallets. In most cases, entry into the apartments was gained through unlocked doors or unlocked windows.

Students are reminded to keep their doors and windows secured.